Out the Comet's Ass

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Wednesday, August 06, 2008


It's been really intense for me lately. I have been sucked into the Knitter's Vortex. Knowing my compulsiveness with hobbies and collecting, at first, I was very disciplined. I bought a $1.49 ball of cotton yarn and a pattern on how to make a dishcloth and checked out a video from the library. The woman on the video had long painted fingernails and really red lipstick so she kept my attention going. She also didn't say anything about what to do if you make mistakes like dropping or adding stitches so I ignored those problems. And, bless my heart, I finished my dishcloth.

Then I finished two more dishcloths. One was very ambitious and had little patterns of hearts that had to be counted out. I was going into cafes to work on it in public and I guess I was giving off a bad vibe. One worker came over with the broom and starting kicking my feet out from under me. That's never happened to me before with such brutality so I'm supposing it was the knitting. Somewhere along I found the videos on the Internet that teach you how to knit. One lady said that you're not a good knitter if you're not a good ripper. This was my first exposure to fixing mistakes, and good Virgo Venus that I am, every time I found that I had dropped a stitch out I would rip the entire dishcloth out and start over. I was going to get it perfect no worries. The yarn got really dirty and frazzled. I think I even sprayed it with pesticides at one point. The only people who saw me carrying my little ball of yarn and needles and who were nice to me were the ones who had both Mothers who knit and new born babies (who are small and represent small amounts of yarn, adults are expensive to knit for). I think knitting bugs most people especially women who find it a sexist activity. Men, especially homeless men, are fascinated by the small intricate action. They would sit and stare at the needles without moving for half hour at a time.

Somewhere down the line, months after the first dishcloth, I finished the hearts dishcloth in a cafe where I sat next to two guys who were playing chess all afternoon. Maybe it was the pheromones, I think mostly it was the concentration rubbing off on me, but I finished the thing. Then I noticed a couple of dropped stitches. Varigated yarn disguises dropped stitches pretty well. It also disguises all those heart shapes that I struggled to achieve. And I realized it was pretty unattractive. Martha Stewart would shudder if she saw it. Doesn't matter. I've already lost the thing.

So, now I'm a hard core knitoholic. I go into stores and pet the yarns. Old women make yarn out of live rabbits who they set on their laps and spin fur right off of. That's called Angora. That's better than the Horse Whisperer if you ask me. Those angora rabbits have a lot of hair to share and what else do they have to do all day? I wonder if they have to medicate the things in order to get them to sit still.

So, the Internet is an unbelievable resource for learning how to knit. There's a different video for casting the yarn on to the needles from every country. There's a different way to knit from every country too. Some knitters are open to this. Some are totally fascist about thinking that everyone ought to do things their way. It's just like Religion and Politics. You just don't talk about it for fear that you'll open a pussy sore. I can see how interest in knitting waned for years especially in the United States where the horrid women force everyone to knit in American style.

On the Internet I've found a website called Ravelry.com. Zillions of knitters get on there and share what they make and how they make it and what they use. It's a Gemini playground where the information is boundless. I have dark rings under my eyes and my hands are beginnign to tremble from staying up all night tyring to ascertain how a certain yarn or type of garment turns out when knit by 500 different knitters.

Meanwhile in real life I've begun the compulsive collecting of what is called "Stash." I have one skein of all kinds of furry animals, mostly in white yarn. I'm so afraid of the color. When I do go to bed I'm dreaming about all the colors. I just can't think about walking down the street in it. So white Alpaca (that smells like the wrong end of the animal), white llama, white angora, white lamb's wool with white mohair. No white cashmere, I'm too cheap, but the last Eclipse ended over Mongolia where the camels live who grow the stuff on their stomachs so I suspect we'll be seeing more of the cashmere. How does one buy Stock in Cashmere? They sell Buffalo and Yak yarn which is to die for but not in white. It would be too much of a shame to alter the colors of those furs. And yes Yak is a lot like steel wool. And I did break out of my white rut and bought rust colored Bamboo yesterday.

Here's a little Japanese Movie about knitting that pretty much sums the whole experience up.


And here's a short synopsis (I hope short) of how the different signs describe themselves which I found over on the knitting forums. Some of the descriptions are unbelievably helpful for learning about the signs. I always prefer to learn astrology by hearing people talk about their own signs.

I began with Aries because it's the first sign and then I sort of scattered out according to which sign I became curious about. I didn't read everything either. And not all knitters are represented and not all knitters agreed with everything that was said. This is just for fun. I learned a lot about Libra. I hope this information is okay to repeat here. It's partly literally copied from the Ravelry forums and partly based on my observations which are generally pretty skewed.

So the Aries. They were fun. They acknowledged that they are starters and have trouble finishing projects. That's Cardinal. Most of the signs suffer from this (just wait for Gemini description) but the Aries seem to really have an anxiety about this. They like to either work on small projects that are short and simple or really big projects. They need to alter the patterns in some way to make them their own. They like freestyle. And they like "compliant yarns." They have a great sense of humor. They joked about preferring to knit for themselves rather than for others. "I AM my favorite charity."

This made me curious about Scorpios. Scorpios are known for their creativity, their focus, and their dogged ability to finish things. Is this true? Do they knit one long black robe at a time of floss harvested from spiders? What interested me was the fact that the Scorpios don't seem to have much anxiety about finishing projects. They just keep working and they know it will get done. What I didn't expect were the amount of projects that they work on at the same time. Rather than the Scorpio singular focus, one thing at a time, they have a lot of projects going at one time. 3 or 4 or even 13. Total compulsion. They also don't have a problem with abandoning projects and will easily destroy (called frogging rather than ripping probably due to Jack the murderer) projects they don't like. They refer to themselves in classically Plutonian terms which I suppose was intentional and really funny. "Serial knitters." "I knit so I do not kill people." "I feel like I"m in control." Knitting was compared to killing twice. No discussion of size of projects but lots of discussion about color. They call themselves "yarn snobs." Elegance is so Scorpio.

Then I moved on to the Virgos. I suspected that they are a lot like me and they just quietly rip everything out that they start. There wasn't a whole lot of discussion. Virgos aren't real forthcoming about their own problems. There was a lot of discussion about making dish cloths and favorite foods. Virgo artists tend to work really well with line and aren't really interested in color. The knitters seem similar. I think they either are out knitting and aren't obsessed with the knitting forum.

So then I moved on to the Sagittarians. I knew they'd have a lot to say. They didn't really seem to talk about the knitting very much. They discussed their personalities, their opinions, and how they live their lives. There was some discussion about obsession with detail which seems to never really be discussed about among Astrologers (imo). I noticed on my own that they create very intelligent knitting, sort of as if they are solving mathematical equations at the same time. This might just be because Lace Knitting is really in right now, I don't know. What they are doing is new and has to be interesting.

I know that Capricorn artists have an awesome sense of spatial relationships and color so I was then curious about that sign. There wasn't quite the discussion I was expecting though. They are born for knitting because they hate to waste time. If they bring their knitting along they won't have to waste time while waiting for a bus or in a doctor's office. They talked a little about working one project at a time. And they don't like wasteful stashes. One, however, said that she came to accept her stash as a way of being "thrifty." One complained about not liking to work with weird yarn. It's the new stuff with all the "inclusions." They said that they're more Pattern junkies than yarn junkies. Most said they don't keep a project on needles because they don't like seeing it hog the needles. Like a Cardinal Sign, they like to start new projects.

So I switched to the opposite sign, the Cancers. The Cancers were sort of quiet like the Virgos. I did notice that they like to knit for others. There seemed to be an aura of guilt over knitting for themselves. They claimed to have ADD. They talked about their favorite cakes.

The Tauruses should have been very sensual. I expected them to talk endlessly about touch and feel. But it didn't really come up. They did joke about Riding Bulls. And about other things one can do with a Bull. I didn't really notice much else. Maybe not really into astrology?

The Pisces of course were very Pisces. They were sharing patterns. When discussing the pervasive problem of finishing projects one said "Oh, I hope I'll finish it." They talked about loving to shop and mostly shared what they were going to work on next. Rather than starting a thread about Colors they love they had one about Colors they can't stand and don't ever want to see again. Some good end of the wheel discussion.

The Aquarians were also into knitting Dishcloths. They were sharing a pattern where you can knit the signs of the Zodiac on your dishcloths. I didn't really write much else down about them sadly. I really liked their knitting though. Very stream lined, strong and well conceived projects. I think Italian design must be very Aquarian.

And the Geminis. They're social. They set up swaps, introduce themselves, talk about gifts. They can't follow directions, but you know they're out there keeping their fidgety fingers going. Most of the signs said they preferred small projects because they had trouble finishing big projects. The Geminis took it further. They have what they called "Second Sock Syndrome" where they die of boredom after knitting the first sock and can't finish the second one. One person suggested intentionally planning to make the second sock different. There was all kinds of discussion about how to give yourself incentive to finish a project.

Who's left? Oh, the Libras. The Libras talked relationships. They had 12 threads set up to discuss Libra's compatibility with each of the other signs. They were one of the few signs who discussed the texture of the yarn, loving anything soft. That surprised me. They also came up with an interesting Libra trait which doesn't seem to get discussed among astrologers. They talked about loving the repetitive act of knitting. Just sitting there making stitch after stitch after stitch. That's so East Indian raga like, isn't it? And very Libra.

Oh. And the Leos. The Leos had a whole thread about the color Orange. They have lots of Red in their stash. One thread was actually a Game to play with the other posters. They also wanted to discuss Decanates and Cusps. Do Leos ponder Boundaries more than others.? Sort of like they want to know where they end and where others begin. They don't like animal prints, by the way.



Anonymous Kim said...

Hi, I came across your blog inadvertantly after coming across another blog called The Slushpile that came up during a search for "transit house rulers". Well the author is a knitter and 1 of her blogs mentioned your blog about "knitters" even though I haven't crocheted in many manay years, I got a really big laugh reading your post and I've bookmarked your blog to read more of your stories/insights. Thanks for the chuckles!!-Kim

6:09 AM  

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