Out the Comet's Ass

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Snowy Plovers

I'm afraid this is another Gemini story.

The newspaper announced today that almost the entire beach in Lompoc, California will close tomorrow for 7 months in order to let the Snowy Plovers breed. Due to Habitat Loss, these cute little shorebirds only number about 1500 (of breeding age). They live in the sand and their only defense against dogs, crows, mean kids and their klutsy parents (who kick them either inadvertently or intentionally and step on the nests) is to turn their backs to them and disappear into the sand through the camouflaged coloring of their feathers. These nice little babies have lived on the beaches for thousands of years and have been on endangered species list since the 1970s. If you live on the California Coast you have heard of them because you can't go where they go (some of the choicest beaches of course); however, you don't have a clue what they look like, and it turns out there's only 1500 anyway. Damn, they own the beaches like some sort of Mafiosos and I don't think they intend to ever increase their numbers. The situation is just too good as it is.

Right now they're fattening up and preparing for 7 months of Boogie Nights on the Beach.

What really fascinated me at first were what appeared to be inhumane requirements set by the Parks and Rec Department that says that they can't mate between October 1 and March 1 when the beaches are opened to the public. That would have meant that an awful lot of Astrological Signs won't be able to procreate into Snowy Clovers. That could very well be the problem. It didn't sound fair and it didn't sound prudent. And I know they do this to Racehorses and I also don't like that.

Turns out it's not a big deal, this is just the way they are. They don't want to be born in the winter. They don't even start laying eggs until May. Here's a link about their lifestyle: http://www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=22262. The Mother sits on the eggs all day and the Father sits on them at night. Typical incubation period is 27 days. That's a day short of the Classical Lunar Return. How cute. Sometimes the Mother goes off with a Second Husband and leaves the eggs with the First Husband to hatch all on his lonesome. I wonder if statistical studies have been conducted to see if these babies are more or less happy than the ones who grow up in typical family nests with two parents. Maybe the psychological devastation of growing up in a single parent home is what's messing up the survival rate.

So, anyway, say you're layed (laid?) on May 5, so that means you're born on May 31 or June 1. You're a Gemini, one of one to three eggs that hatches. Like good little Geminis you are precocious, highly intelligent and adaptable and able to feed yourself within hours of being born. And, within 2 days you are completely self-sufficient. The article says that after this your survival is compromised because the next two months are perilous. They don't explain what goes wrong though. Is it adolescence? Does Vandenburg Air Force Base use them for target practice? Anyway, the whole beach is full of teenage Gemini Birds in June, sunning themselves, yakking their heads off, running around socializing and gossiping and sharing lip balm and never quite focusing on where the next meal is coming from because of they're all suffering from too much Mercury.

Then, next generation. If your Mother runs off with another guy, she will give birth to a set of little birds who are Cancers. They will never leave the nest. Oi. No wonder they get stepped on. Typical Cancers. I don't know if it goes on. If Leo, Virgo and maybe even Libra Snowy Plovers exist. But thing is: Scorpios would have grown stingers, Sagg's would have broken down into hysterical fits and joined the local clergy for protection from evil, Capricorns would have got the hell off the ground and climbed to higher turf...ah, that's where the survival goes haywire... These are the signs that have the determination to build civilizations and survive! None of that for the Snowy Plovers. Just you, me, and the nest in the sand dunes. Dudes, it's all good, no worries. Who needs survival skills when the Endangered Species will protect you? Just chill.

So, anyway, the beaches in Lompoc will be closed to predators during the entire Summer Season. Tourist Town California shuts down for these guys. That's a lot of lost revenue but they're worth it. Wish I could add a picture. Just imagine Anderson Cooper with wings (he's a Gemini).

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