You Think You Had It Bad

What if you had Augusta and Randy Roman for parents? If you had them for parents you wouldn't even be born yet and they'd have been fighting over you for the last 5 years. Mr. and Mrs. Roman have a set of 3 embryos frozen up like succotash in a laboratory in Texas where they've been languishing since at least April, 2002. Randy decided at the last minute that he didn't want to go ahead with the in vitro fertilization procedure that the couple had planned. They went through 16 months of therapy and then decided to divorce over this because Augusta wants the babies, er, embryos. Man, think of all the Christmases these kids are missing. They'd practically be in kindergarten by now. Are they just sitting there like 3 little pickles? This is easily the most stressful childhood I've ever heard of.

Augusta was 46 on May 31, 2007 and is now 47 on Nov. 1, 2007 so just to be gross I'm going to guess that she was born between June 1, 1961 and Oct. 31, 1961. Man, I'm routin for the Halloween Birth date because this has "Boo!" written all over it. Why doesn't she tank a fifth of Jack Daniels, go into a bar, find some guy and get it over with? I've seen Randy on the News, he's no great shakes. There was a conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn in Capricorn that Augusta may have in her birth chart. Capricornian Paternity fight anyone?

The couple was going to try for an April, 2002 fertilization implant. They initially had 13 embryos and now there are only 3. Are the other ten dead? Did the Radiator Lady step on them? Where am I? And when you look at the planets you know where Augusta is. April 2002 was right around the time of Augusta's Uranus opposition and Neptune square. That's right. Uranus/Neptune. She's orbiting. Physically at this age you can still get pregnant, but mentally something's starting to unscrew itself...

The embryos were awarded to Augusta in 2004 during the Divorce proceedings but I guess she didn't have them installed. Hard to get pregnant with all this bickering. These two year increments seem like Mars Return issues or slow Court system, take your pick. There's all kinds of cycles these two could be hooking into.

2 years later, guess 2006, a judge reversed the initial decision in favor of Randy who wants to discard the embryos. Augusta had signed a contract saying that she would not use the embryos in event of divorce. Come on Augusta. Go Organic. You could put a wick in these kids and use them to repel mosquitoes at this point. (Don't mean to be cold here, but, am I really the one being cold here?)

According to one website I looked at (sorry no link) these fights are common; there are 190,000 embryos "in legal limbo" because their parents can't agree on what to do with them. In the end it is thought that this type of lawsuit will overturn Roe v. Wade if it is decided that the embryos are living beings.

The Implant Doctor said there was about a 10 percent chance that the Romans' implantation would work so I think Augusta needs a good astrologer to explain the Uranus-Neptune thing. Boy, it's tough. I don't blame her. Life just really sucks. Maybe the kids have the right idea.