Out the Comet's Ass

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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

David Cassidy Pleads Not Guilty to DUI

Well, my Blogger account looks really screwed up right now. Do you think that Wikileaks is after me? I do. At any rate, nobody else is. Just googled myself on Alexa website and my popularity is down to something like 770,000. Do they ever congratulate you for that type of thing?

Wow, there's so much software attached to my keyboard that it's almost impossible to type. Oh no, that's my Virus scanner which I turned on due to paranoia about being tracked by Wikileaks.

Anyway, like the U.S. Government, I'm not popular. So I thought I'd go to Yahoo to see who is trending and then figure out why they are trending for whatever they are trending for. And then if I also write about them really quick and publish it my Alexa rating will go up.

Today we have David Cassidy. He's an Aries so he likes to be #1.

Boy, does this take me back. For some reason I can't remember David Cassidy without also remembering my Francie doll. Francie was the total Capricorn. She was like Barbie but with better bone structure and with legs that bent. And, just like a Capricorn, when you bent her knees they creaked. And I remember bending her knees to the song "I think I Love You" as a sort of percussive audience participation thing.

Maybe I've got my boy singers all mixed up. I think that Francie pre-dated David Cassidy. But right now I think he's feeling older than Francie. This is just a temporary thing and it will pass. David's progressed Sun has a few more years to go before leaving the adolescent, Mercurial sign of Gemini.

David probably doesn't realize that he really is old and that the reason why he got caught driving drunk is because he is an old drunk. Reality doesn't interest him. That's why he's an artist. His natal Aries Sun is opposing Neptune in Libra. So, yeah, he likes to drink. So what? Well, right now Saturn is right on top of natal Neptune. Saturn symbolizes Father Time and Old Age. And, like I said, Saturn reminds you that you're old from the knees on up. His teeth might be bugging him. Well, alcohol just eats right through the gums and before you know it, no teeth. Or maybe he has a bad dentist.

And then there's David Cassidy's Moon. You always want to look at the water elements to see why a Dude's filling up. Plus the Moon rules David Cassidy's entire chart. Cassidy's a naturally happy guy. His Aquarius Moon is conjunct natal Jupiter. What an optimist. He just doesn't see why we any of us needs boundaries. Just drink from the spigot, David, it's got less walls than a glass or a bottle.

Jupiter just wants to fill up and up and up. Those cups just overflow, when you're young it's with Love and when you're old it's with Beer and when you're old and rich it's with Chevas. Gawd, you were hot. You still are. You just look gross when you're barfing and swerving all over the road. I would totally not have wanted to watch that sobriety test. I'm sure the cop is still laughing his head off about it. With the current transits and progressions and what not, you've got to be careful. You can't get away with anything.

What's the matter? Did the batteries run down on your police scanner? Or were you just to drunk to notice when it was beeping? Or had you passed out? Well, with your chart ruler being the tidal flowing Moon which is conjunct Jupiter who's just a girl who cain't say no being passed over by transiting rosy colored Neptune conjunct Chiron who always gets caught at everything at the end of Aquarius. You got caught. It's so that you can come back to humanity, Lover Boy, and sing us some new songs. You've forgotten what us minions are doing and you need to come back down to earth. I couldn't throw my Francie Doll away so my Mother did it for me and my heart has been broken ever since. But, enough about me.

I think you can lie your way out of this one. You have Mars in Virgo so you know how to finesse the fine details of reality. You're being asked to sober up by Saturn, however, if only you could get over the relationship problems you had with your Dad and you won't be able to do that. You're older now than he was when he had his first grandchild. If you haven't learned by now. . . well, you had heard enough of that by the time you were two to last you for a lifetime. Be Happy. Put in the old Bobby Mcferrin 8 track and cheer up.

Why do you feel like you're always being picked on?

With progressed Mars just passing into Libra and squaring natal Uranus and the transiting Nodal Axis/Pluto conjunction, wow, you really need to be careful while driving, even if you're sober. With that aspect you need to be careful walking. You can thank the Mr.Police Officer for channeling your Daddy complex. He saved your ass. (Nice one that it is). This aspect could do a lot for your sex appeal by the way. That's why you're Number 1 Trending on Yahoo right now.

At this point, you don't even need a Francie Doll. You can use your own knees. (Teehee, I know that's mean and it's dumb).

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